And one thing I hope you can take away from me is that “committing to the bit” is just another way to say “tradition.” The holiday beverages are in full swing (even thought we aren’t partaking in a particular coffee chain due to class solidarity, right? RIGHT?), my neighborhood is decked (haha) out in multicolored lights and giant ornaments, and now I deliver to you our little yule tide tradition. Disclaimer, as I have said last year and the year before that, I cannot commit to being partial, fair, or correct in the following:
NAUGHTY
The lasting eye infection that I had from January to March this year; a humbling and educational experience not dissimilar to the mickey mouse christmas carol in which I had to open my eyes to the lives of the less fortunate except instead of poverty it was about being ugly.
The judge who said Gwyneth Paltrow was not at fault for her ski collision accident that gave a 70 year old man brain trauma. I didn’t know you could renew your Straight to Hell card, but this woman will not rest until she’s double platinum!
Anyone involved in that Colleen Ballinger video… honestly, if it wasn’t bad enough to be a weird pervert to children, she had to also get the ukulele involved.
The bastards at netflix who got Shadow & Bone cancelled after the WAG strike before I got to see Kaz x Inej endgame.
Every D-list celebrity repulsive enough to use current global tragedy to be relevant but too stupid to pick the “anti-genocide” option and doing zionist propaganda instead.
Spotify (yes for its blatant disregard for paying artists for their work but more importantly) for sending me notifications for the upcoming Bleachers concert despite my very public hatred for Jack Antonoff, enemy of the people.
NICE
Sexy eye doctors who tell you you’re too smart for their little game (the eye exam) and act impressed when you can tell them your exact prescription.
Oscar nominated actor Paul MescalYou know what, that’s too predictable, Critic’s Choice Award and SAG-nominated actress, Ayo Edeberi, who blew it out of the water in The Bear season 2 and Bottoms (aka Movie Of the Year) and whom I have loved since her days of Iconography.
The fourth and final season of Succession: A ludicriously capacious bag… the end of Logan Roy’s reign…. the conclusion to the best show on television, a drama of Shakespearean feats… I cannot speak more of it without going a bit misty-eyed… who put these onions here….
The North Atlantic Ocean because although it was kind of bleak to know about the impending deaths of some idiots who decided to ride a certain submarine down to the Titanic, it did kind of briefly unify humanity as we watched on in horror.
Cillian Murphy, handsome tiny Irishman, who should be on the other list for tricking us all into participating in a big cultural event surrounding the biopic of the guy who invented the atomic bomb… and yet!
And as always, my friends whom I love and cherish <3
thank you for being a brave Jack Antonoff hater. not many understand....also happy holidays 🤍