Only to live, to live and live! Life, whatever it may be!
This is what I imagine a canon event is:
INT. MY CHILDHOOD BEDROOM THAT I LIVED IN UNTIL AGE 24 - DAY
ME (Age 14): I need to finish memorizing this wikipedia synopsis to the movie Black Swan that just came out because the girls at school are talking about it and I spent the weekend trying to figure out how to torrent Submarine because it didn’t get a theatrical release (what the hell is in-die film?) but Alex Turner from the Arctic Monkeys wrote original songs for it and both him and the movie are really big on tumblr dot com right now.
I was successful — in the torrenting at least. I didn’t understand Black Swan enough to talk about it until I actually watched it a couple years ago. It’s just as well because I don’t think I would have been equipped to deal with the overarching themes of that movie (natalie portman and mila kunis being gay) at that age.
I’ve been preoccupied recently with turning 27 in a little over a month. It’s making my maladaptive daydreaming a little reflective. Even though my therapist says that 27 is just baby (and you know what, thank you for saying that) I can’t help but feel like I’m falling behind a little bit in the grand plan. But I can’t let the perpetual hum of other people make me forget that my grand plan is to wear my outfits, hang out with my friends, and make enough money to die in Cape Cod. Still, recovering from the fatalist era of my early-mid 20s, I can’t help but wonder if maybe I should be worried a little bit about finding my purpose— pre-Islamic Arabic peninsula ancients used to be really into a combination of fatalism and astrological phenomena so maybe my mom is right and I should just become really religious. Then again, maybe that’s the boredom talking.
xx.