[Though this was written at 12:23 am, for scheduling reasons I could not release it until it saw the cold harsh light of the morning. Cheers.]
At the apex of the summer and peak of leo season and I’ve been missing. How typical. I’ve been thinking a lot of the covenant of friendship lately. I’d like to think I’ve spent a great deal of time surrounding myself with people whose minds and hearts are in harmony with mine. Sometimes I wonder if the type of noise you surround yourself with can make you appreciate and not fear the silence. Solitude is a weird thing that pops up when I’m making a mental wellness trip mid workday to the drug store to buy vitamin gummies. I don’t need them, not actually, but it’s a distinct moment where I’m alone and enjoying my own company that I don’t think could have been possible three years ago when I was desperate to fill every gap with something, anything. I don’t even know what I feared. Being irrelevant may be. Can I exist without performing? Can I be funny and charming without an audience? I see the irony in me ironing out this little dilemma on my subscription newsletter. Hello, reader, welcome, this is not about you is it? It is about me.
I’m annoyed because The Summer I Turned Pretty has gone from a vehicle for me to fantasize about having a summer house on the beach to the jarring front seat to a love triangle between brothers — a trope that is never done without having a weird vibe. It doesn’t matter though because I’ve never been team conrad or team jeremiah, i’ve pretty consistently been team beach house.
The sprinklers are going off in the courtyard and it kind of sounds like rain. It’s half past midnight and I’m enjoying the silence.
xx.
i just started watching and im grossed out by the brother love triangle but captivated by summer vibes