happy halloween from the spiderwebs on my balcony that i am NOT afraid of
🎃🕸
Living my truth today by being tragically outfitted at the local coffeeshop. Sometimes I see hot people here but they’re not for me but rather the background cast to whatever is going on for someone else’s main character moment. I need to stop talking like this bc it’s kind of giving delusions of uhmmm— what is the opposite of grandeur? drabness— but lately I’ve been obsessed with tucking in my leggings into my calf-length socks. My sister hates it (to be fair it does look heinous) but it feels right to me. I was being really generous earlier because a woman was projecting her voice to be louder than everyone else there to force her off-duty coworker look at pictures of her “halloween look” and I wasn’t even getting annoyed. I think I’m experiencing growth but I’m suspecting not in the ways that are useful to me.
In some ways I am kind of relieved that all the Halloween events for the year are sort of over because I am soooo tired of being assigned the homework of Serving Cunt At the Function — ok sorry I’m bragging — but I went to dinner recently in a tshirt and the world’s most was-lying-on-the-car-floor cardigan and I felt healed. Do we think some people crave being a little ugly? Like not in a deprecating way but in a Who Am I Performing For If This Is Not Making Me Happy kind of way? I think it’s fair for me to only try to be hot about 2-3 times a year. I feel like this year I’ve been trying to overcompensate due to the other things in my life being out of control. But now that I return to some stability, I need to embrace body/appearance neutrality again. Ok sorry I sound insane like all I’m really talking about is like wearing looser-fitting clothing but like I’m defending a dissertation like it’s giving “spell pharaoh” you know. I do think I’m getting dumber but I’m hoping the paper and pencil sudoku i’ve been doing has been helping.
OK I’m going to do an annoying new thing at the end of these posts because I kind of miss when we used to do these on livejournal (throwback) but I’m going to add a Currently Listening To section so you can listen along with me. Or not. You can just ignore it and hope for my demise. Whatever!
BLONDEMEZZ IS CURRENTLY LISTENING TO
» It’s About The Bike - TalkFine
» Brighter Lights - The Backfires
» I Wrote the Book - Jake Bugg